To Be Ready, Or Not To Be Ready?

That is the question…

If you were to ask me if I am ready to be home, I’m not sure I can accurately answer that question. I am so torn between what I know in my head and what I feel in my heart.

I am ready to go home in certain ways, but in others, I’m not ready to leave this new life of mine that I’ve created here.

I am ready to see my family, friends, dog, and my boyfriend. I am ready to be able to drive my car again and to sing as loud as I want to all of my favorite songs. I’m ready to not have a seven hour time difference between me and the ones that I love. I’m ready for all of the American food I’ve been missing while I’ve been away (mostly Mac N Cheese, I’m not gonna lie). I’m ready for my mom’s home-cooked meals and to be able to cook for myself. I’m ready to be able to do my own laundry and shower whenever I want. I’m ready for everyone to speak English, so that I don’t have to work so hard to understand what is going on around me. I’m ready to have phone service almost anywhere I go. I’m ready to be where the wifi works 10x better than it does here (even at UD….and that’s saying something.) And I’m ready to be back where everything is familiar to me.

I am not ready to leave the warm country of Spain. I am not ready to say goodbye to my new friends and all of the people I have met while I’ve been here. I’m not ready to not have an espresso machine at my convenience when I need a pick-me-up. I’m not really ready to go back to where everything is expensive. I’m not ready to not be able to just pack up a carry on and go on a weekend trip to another country for less that 100€. I’m not ready to give up my freedom that I’ve gained by being here (such as not having to work all the time, study and do homework all of the time, and constantly be busy). I’m not ready to stop learning about other cultures and the history behind the different places I have visited. I am not ready to leave this place that I’ve made my home for the last three months..

I’m torn.

It’s so easy to feel ready to be home when I receive constant messages full of love and excitement from people back home telling me how eager they are to have me back home. I have never felt more loved than I have while I’ve been here, and I’m 4,500 miles away.

But it is also very easy for me to feel sad when I think about how this chapter of my life is quickly coming to a close and soon will be but just a memory.

I am so thankful I got to experience every single thing I have in the last three months. From the different countries, cultures, languages, and foods, to figuring out how to work the public transportation system, to slightly improving my Spanish, to making new friends, to trying new things.. everything. This was the chance, opportunity, and trip of a lifetime, and I am so lucky to have been able to experience everything to the full.

They say that home is where your heart is…and I’m leaving a part of mine in Spain.

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