Have you ever just sat and thought about the “what if…?”s of life and wondered how different your life would be if one little thing was different? Like “What if I didn’t like coffee? How much money would I have compared to what I have now?” (Luckily the coffee in Europe (or at least Spain) is relatively cheap.) Or “What if I took a nap today instead of going to Madrid with my friends?” or “What if I had to wear glasses all the time instead of just when my eyes get tired or I need to read something in small print?”
I find myself thinking about the “what if”s a lot when I’m on the bus to/from school or on the train or when I’m walking somewhere. I wonder “What if I wouldn’t have come to Spain? What would I be doing right now instead?” and “What if I didn’t hate seafood?” and “What if someone I truly cared about was here to share this experience with me? What if I spoke fluent Spanish instead of just intermediate? What if I didn’t speak Spanish at all? Would I be here right now?”
Sometimes my “what if”s hit me harder than others. Like “What if so-and-so and I were still friends?” or “What if things had ended better than they did. Would we still be in each other’s lives? Or would we have eventually drifted apart?” And the swirling tornado of thoughts takes me deeper and deeper until I’m left feeling upset or unhappy with my life when in reality, I have everything and more to be thankful for.
“Sometimes we all get down looking for something profound. But it’s never what it seems, always something in between. Wishes and thoughts, haves and have-nots..things could be worse, but they could be better. First things first, always remember to keep your head up.” -First Things First by Cartel.
God works in such mysterious, yet marvelous ways. As I read my devotional before bed, it talked about how God shapes us down here so we can fit in up there.
I can’t help but be in awe at how He makes all things work together for my good. And I am so so so thankful. If even the slightest thing was different, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Sometimes it’s harder than others to remind myself of this and it’s easier to wallow in my own self-pity. But, like one of my favorite songs says “there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.” So instead of focusing on the “what if”s and how life could be different, focus on the here and now and try to be present because there is SO much to be thankful for. If you’re ever feeling trapped in the never ending blackhole of “what if”s and things you cannot change, remember this.